When Power Feels Beyond Our Reach

I walked into the City Hall chambers with seven fourth graders in tow. We were early. The city council meeting wouldn’t start for another 15 minutes, but I wanted to make sure the kids got a good seat and got comfortable with their surroundings before their presentation.

I was volunteering in a program for underserved kids, and as part of the program, I developed a “City Club” to help the kids learn about their city government.

We did different activities to introduce them to the local government. The capstone project was a presentation to the city council asking for development funds for their neighborhood, a very poor slice of Northeast Portland, dotted with unpaved roads, lacking sidewalks, sewers, and public parks.

While we waited, several city council members walked into the chamber and sat down at the dais. The kids started whispering to me, “Which one is the Mayor?” and “Who’s that woman? What does she do?” I urged them to go on up and say hello, introduce themselves, and ask questions. They giggled and looked at me like I was crazy.

“But that’s their job,” I explained, “to serve the public. And by the way, that’s you. You’re the public.” After much prodding, a few of them walked up to the dais and started talking with the councilors.

I grew up in a very small town where political power was intimate. I went to school with the daughter of the town’s mayor. My father was the newspaper publisher and on Wednesday nights had a poker game with a bunch of his friends, including the town’s auditor and head of planning and zoning for the town.

I would tag along with him on his trips to City Hall, the Fire Department, and other government offices. I went along to press events for State and Federal representative races.

For me, the point of the City Club was not just civics, learning how the government worked, but to learn a far more important lesson: to feel empowered in interacting with authority.

Malcolm Gladwell, in his book, Outliers, tells the story of two different geniuses, Robert Oppenheimer—who talked his way back into graduate school after poisoning his tutor—and Christopher Langan, who had a perfect score on his SAT and reputedly has the highest IQ in America.

Langan lost his scholarship and subsequently dropped out of university because his mother hadn’t filled in the scholarship form correctly. Langan, who grew up in extreme poverty, simply accepted the verdict, not believing he could challenge the school’s authority.

For many people, mistrust or fear of authority is normal.

Whether we’re skeptical or intimidated, viewing people in power as beyond our reach and invulnerable has dire consequences. We can abdicate our own authority, disengage from civic life, and even fall prey to conspiracy theories attributing evil acts to those in power.

Yet being comfortable interacting with authority is important, and vital to our careers and—more importantly—to our democracy. Being able to talk to your boss, reach out to experts or mentors when you need help, and ask your teachers questions are important aspects of our day-to-day lives.

But when it comes to interacting with people in power, common wisdom can have unintended and unfavorable consequences.

Here are some “absolute” truths that can backfire when interacting with authority and some alternative ways of thinking about it:

1. Speaking truth to power. This one is complicated. Of course, speaking truth to power is vital, but the danger here is that when we identify as the weaker party who must stand up to someone who won’t listen or doesn’t care, we bring too much ammo to the party.

When you start an encounter believing the other person won’t listen, or that you won’t get your point across, you arm yourself. You steel yourself, gird your loins, get all your facts and figures straight, and shoot from the hip. The result? Rather than sounding competent and confident, you can come across as arrogant and aggressive.

What to do instead? Imagine your ‘truth’ as information they may not have or may not fully understand or appreciate. Rather than thinking you’re speaking up, imagine you’re speaking across or down—explaining something to a friend, to a student, or to a coworker.

​

2. Holding people in power accountable. Of course, this goes without saying. It’s imperative that we hold people in power accountable. But, where is the place for mistakes, learning, and growth?

A powerful role is one with responsibilities, and people in power should hold themselves to the highest standards possible. But no one attains a position of power, authority, or expertise because they’re perfect.

Humans are complex. We are good and bad, and neither, and both, all at the same time. We can excel in one area while being stupid in another. You could be an inspired teacher and a jealous friend, a kind and generous boss, and an unfaithful spouse.

We humans are in a continual state of development, and yet, when we think about our leaders as still learning, we get impatient.

But no matter how high up someone seems, we have to view them in their totality—good and bad: enlightened and amazing, stupid and disappointing. Try to appreciate the person in the role. Try to see them as you are: fallible, struggling, failing, doing the best they can.
​

3. Be confident. Common wisdom says to be confident when you interact with authority. To come across as powerful yourself. And while it’s true that we need to remember our own rank in interacting with people in power, being confident can backfire.

My kids at the City Council meeting were full of questions. I watched them interact and noticed just how happy and friendly the councilors were. They liked being asked questions. The kids were 10. As an adult, it’s more difficult to expose ourselves as vulnerable, uninformed, or uncertain.

I was speaking with someone the other day, a high-ranking expert in his field, and I was seeking his advice. At parts of the conversation, I just couldn’t follow. I didn’t understand. And I felt that if I asked for clarification, I’d look like an idiot. But I thought, what’s the point of spending my time—and his—seeking help if I didn’t ask questions that would give me the help I’m seeking?

Confidence has it’s place, but ask when you don’t understand. Trying to look smarter or more confident often backfires. Be curious. Be humble. Be transparent. We want people in power to be transparent. So should we.

We must feel comfortable interacting with power. It’s our civic duty to do so! But how you go about it can make a big difference in the progress you make.

And sometimes, when dealing with people in positions of power, that means going against conventional wisdom.