Speaking Truth to Power (Without Losing Your Own)

What do I do about my boss?

Some variation of that question is one of the most common I get about power. In short, how do I speak truth to power? How do I get the people in charge to change, do better, be less…stupid?

Actually, the skills involved aren’t hard. There are plenty of effective ways to manage up, give upward feedback, and deal with difficult bosses. People have been challenging, managing, and influencing those in power since the dawn of time.

The real challenge isn’t skill—it’s emotion.

When people ask these questions, they’re often feeling frustrated, helpless, or even angry. And it’s hard—if not impossible—to use your skills (or even access them) in that state. It’s hard to be effective when you’re coming from a mindset of powerlessness.

The other challenge is perception. When we’re in a low-rank position, we tend to overestimate the power of those above us. We assume they won’t listen, let alone change. We imbue them with more authority than they likely feel themselves, which only reinforces our own sense of futility.

So how do we speak truth to power—without losing our own? It starts with shifting mindsets.

There’s a Person in That Seat

It’s easy to say, put yourself in their shoes, but when it comes to power, we often forget. Why? Because we stop seeing the human in the seat of authority. Too often, we think it’s fair game to “punch up.” We assume we won’t be heard, so we bring more firepower to the fight. But starting a conversation armed and combative rarely leads to a good outcome.

Instead, start by shifting your perspective. Recognize the power you do have, even in small ways. Someone is looking up at you. If they saw you making a mistake, how would you want them to tell you? How do you want others to handle your imperfections? How do you want to receive feedback? That’s the standard you should use when delivering it upward.

Are You Overestimating Power?

No one attains a position of power because they’re flawless. No one steps into leadership fully ready.

Parents become parents before they know what they’re doing. Employees get promoted into management without formal training. Teachers stand in front of their first class with zero real experience.

The role may have rank, but the person may not yet fit that rank.

We admire morally complex characters in movies, yet we hold impossibly high expectations for real-life leaders. The truth is, even some of history’s greatest leaders—people who risked everything for justice—were absent parents, impatient bosses, or flawed partners. We can be both brilliant and blind, inspiring and inept, all at once.

When we overinflate the power of those in charge, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Worse, we give ourselves permission to go on the attack. When we expect perfection, we give away our own power.

Take an Inventory of Your Power

Before you speak up, get clear on what you bring to the table:

• What’s your sphere of influence? What part of the situation is under your control? What can you do to influence the outcome? Remember what’s in your hands so you’re not solely dependent on others to solve the problem.
• What power do you have, even if it’s not positional? Expertise? Relationships? Experience? You may not have formal authority, but you have influence. And positional power is limited—there’s only so much it can do. So come equipped with your knowledge, your network, your experience—whatever can help move the situation forward.
• What’s your goal? Do you want to improve the situation or just be right? Do you want to help your team or vent frustration? Keep your biggest and best outcome in mind. Use the future-proofing test—make sure you’re working toward a goal you’ll still be glad about tomorrow, next year, and in ten years’ time.

Teach, Don’t Just Criticize

If you have feedback, you’re in a teaching role—whether you like it or not.

Why? Because having feedback means you see something that could be improved. It means you have insight, knowledge, or perspective that the other person doesn’t. In other words, on this particular issue, you know better. And knowing better puts you in the role of a teacher.

But here’s the challenge: when we’re frustrated, disappointed, or angry, we don’t feel like teachers—we feel like critics. A critic’s job is to judge and point out flaws. A teacher’s job is to help someone grow.

When we identify as critics, we focus on what’s wrong and who’s to blame. When we identify as teachers, we focus on how to make it better. A critic tears down; a teacher builds up. And a teaching mindset makes your feedback far more effective—because people are much more likely to listen when they feel guided rather than attacked.

So before you speak up, ask yourself: Am I stepping into this conversation as a critic, or as a teacher?

Speaking truth to power isn’t about proving someone wrong. It’s about making things better. And when you approach it that way, you keep your own power intact.

The key to speaking truth to power is to remember that real power isn’t just about position. It’s about impact. And you have more of it than you think.